Help for family and friends of sex addicts (Christians)

Let's begin with an explanation of how pornography affects a person.  Porn strongly appeals to our natural tendency to lust and to idolize sex.  It gives the viewer a temporary surge of sexual pleasure, fantasy and control that functions like a drug.  People (men especially) are easily drawn into addictive patterns with porn, and become slaves to sexual lust.  After a person repeatedly fills their eyes and mind with porn, they are blinded to its evil nature.       

The spiritual aspect of sex addiction involves powerful evil spirits that work to destroy marriages and families.   The spiritual evil behind porn  is revealed in the "fruits" it grows, including lust, selfishness, anger, irritability, lying, denial, numbness, lack of communication, emotional withdraw, sexual anorexia, frigidity, coarse jesting (sexual innuendo), divorce, sexual abuse, incest, emotional abuse, physical abuse and financial troubles.  We should recognize these fruits as evil.   

There is hope, however, as God is reversing the devil's work and delivering people from the snare of sex addiction!  We believe that breaking porn addiction is a healing process more than anything else.  God is the healer and with him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). 

What you can do to help

Don't condemn the person:  Condemnation seldom accomplishes anything more than causing the addict to become defensive, destructive and angry.   It could very well make him/her even worse off than before you tried to help them.

Show them love: People typically don't get into porn to harm or offend others.  They usually fall into porn, enticed by their own natural desires, and then discover that they can't get out of the pit they fell in.   The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).   More than anything, sex addicts need to get reconnected with God's love.   

Seek God:   If you are not walking closely with the Lord right now, we encourage you to press in and seek Him with all your heart.  Your relationship with God is your lifeline and power source from which to love other people.  God will give you the strength to weather the storms ahead, and love this person with Christ's love.   Loving a sex addict often requires supernatural love and forgiveness.   Our Christian Living page provides links to pages addressing our walk with Christ.

Prepare for spiritual warfare: Don't expect the devil to be happy about your decision to fight for your friend/loved one.  Expect resistance.  If you are doing spiritual warfare from a strong relationship with God, you'll be able to stay afloat emotionally and be effective in joining God in helping this person  break addiction. 

Pray for the person: Persistent, fervent prayer yields results!  Here are some suggested aspects to pray about:

Break secrecy: Sex addiction likes to stay in the dark.  People don't like to talk about the evil that has invaded their lives.  Breaking secrecy helps dispel the fear that the devil uses to keep his destruction protected.  Once the evil is brought into the light, it can be dealt with more effectively.  Ask God to show you to what degree you should break secrecy.

Don't visit the porn sites that this person is visiting.  Porn opens the door of your mind to all kinds of evil.  It's like jumping in the lake to save a drowning person when you don't know how to swim. We've heard from many people who looked at porn to see what was so exciting about it for their mate.   Their minds became polluted with perversion as well.

Don't lose hope!  God will help you get through this difficult time.  Remember the words of the psalmist: "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"  (Psalm 27:13 NKJV).   (see hope verses)

Other pages you may find interesting:

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