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Lies about sex
sin, addiction and freedom
Lies are the foundation of the temptations we face
in sex addiction. The devil is a master liar. Jesus explained, "He [Satan] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the
truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he
is a liar and the father of lies" ( John 8:44
NIV).
People were first exposed to Satan's lies in the
Garden of Eden. Satan suggested to Eve that God was keeping back
good things from her. As Eve
started to doubt God, she lusted for the fruit and sinned. In the same way, Satan tempts us
using
combinations of things we desire and lies. If he can get us to doubt God's goodness
through lies,
then we're more likely to sin.
An example of the common sexual temptation:
Satan often tries to convince people that restricting sex to marriage is outdated and impractical. He tells people (singles & teens,
especially) that God is unfairly withholding sex from them. He tells them that there will be little or no consequences for having sex
outside of marriage and/or looking at pornography. The result is that
many people doubt God's good plan for sex and give in to fornication, adultery,
homosexuality, pornography or many other bad alternatives. Afterwards, these people discover that the consequences are real and
often much worse than they thought.
Destroy the lies with truth:
The power of lies is broken by truth. Jesus said, "If
you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the
truth and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:31-32
NKJV). As Jesus said, we need to be familiar with his word, which is
recorded in the Bible. Spending time in Bible study during our daily
quiet time is therefore critical for success on the battlefield of temptations.
It takes study and memory work to know the
applicable Bible verses for the different temptations we may face in sex
addiction. (see our Sword of the Spirit
page for more info)
As you read the following lies, ask the Holy Spirit to
help you recognize lies you may have believed. Jesus said of the Holy
Spirit, "He will guide you into all truth" (John 16:13
NKJV).
We've attempted to answer each
lie with truth from the Bible.
| Lie |
Truth |
| "I'll never get
free of sex addiction"
|
Jesus died on the
cross so we CAN get free of whatever sin struggle we are involved in. The Holy Spirit, who raised Christ from the dead, gives
life to our mortal
body so we can live in freedom (Romans
8:11,13). Life through Jesus Christ brings spiritual renewal and a new nature that
enables us to walk in purity, just as Jesus did (2
Corinthians 5:17).
No matter how bad we may have sinned, we can
still come to Jesus and receive forgiveness and cleansing. Jesus' blood covers
all our sins. Hebrews
6:17-20 affirms that we have hope in Jesus, who is the anchor of our soul.
See our verses on hope also.
|
| "Pornography helps my
marriage sex life" |
Pornography
destroys a marriage's sex life through lust. Though it may bring a
short-term pleasure, it harms your marriage by supplanting love-inspired
affection with lustful gratification. It’s only a matter of time before things deteriorate.
Lust naturally craves more and more, so you'll find yourself looking for
more exciting outlets when your spouse is unable to keep up. |
| " I can't live
without my porn" (and/or sex sin)
|
The enemy wants us to believe that
we cannot survive and enjoy life without a diet of sin. The truth is that sinful living
produces spiritual and ultimately physical death. True life begins with living
according to God’s Spirit, and making no provision for sin’s fulfillment (Romans
13:14 , John
6:63). We CAN live without sin! When
we obey God with our sex life, we will experience peace and are best able to reap the fruits of a
healthy marriage (current or future). Sex is not a right given to every person, but rather, it
is a gift from God to every person who marries. For those who have not
married, the challenge is to trust God and wait on Him for His provision for life,
marriage and sex. (See singles and sex
pages) |
| "God won't accept
me because I keep falling to temptation" |
Satan specializes in condemnation and despair. Once he entices
us to sin, he condemns us for sinning, telling us we'll never be
free. He tells us we'll never be able to please God.
Jesus died so that we have peace with God. God is not angry with us for
sinning, and he longs for us to accept Jesus' sacrifice and live in the
reality of the new life he prepared for us. Jesus bore all of God's
wrath due to us for our sin (Isaiah
53:4-12; Isaiah 54:10). God will
not reject us when we approach him for help. |
| "God made me
this way" |
God doesn't make
mistakes. He created us good, but we are corrupted from birth by the
sinful nature we inherit from Adam (Romans 5:12). We can become
enslaved to sin when we obey sin's desires (Romans 6:16). When
enslaved, it's easy to blame our bondage on God. When we do this, it
seems to free us from the responsibility for our sin. But, God is
not to blame - we are! Steps to gaining freedom begin with taking responsibility
for our sin by confessing it to God (see Freedom
Journey). |
|
"Forbidden sex is more
enjoyable"
|
Forbidden sex enslaves us
to lust. For a time, our forays into the forbidden may deliver
pleasure, but soon
we'll want more risk, more exposure, more thrill, etc., and we'll go deeper
into depravity. Our own actions can bring a type of curse upon ourselves, such that we are unable to enjoy the good things God
has given us. Romans
1:20-32 describes what can happen when we follow the path of
depravity. Those who wait on God for their
sexual needs will enjoy lasting
pleasure and contentment (Psalm
36:7-9; John
4:14). God's provision meets our needs (Philippians
4:19). |
| "All sex is
good" |
God gave us some very specific guidance
on what kind of sex is acceptable. God restricts sex to marriage between one man and one woman (Mark
10:6-9, Genesis 2:24). Any sexual activity outside of this context is sin,
which has consequences that in some cases have lifelong effects (see
consequences). God also gave us specific guidance on
nakedness, telling us not to reveal our sexual organs to any person other
than our spouse (Habakkuk
2:14-16, Isaiah 57:8, Ezekiel 23:18). Pornography exploits nakedness, and it makes God furious! (Ezekiel
23:18). |
| "The Bible
teaches that sex is dirty" |
Sex
is good! The Bible teaches that God created sex as a wonderful gift to be enjoyed
between a man and woman in marriage. He intended it to be an
intimate expression of love exclusively between
a husband and wife. Consider what the Bible says about this kind of sex:
"May your fountain be blessed, and
may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful
deer--may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her
love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of
another man's wife?" Proverbs 5:18-20 NIV
When sex is removed from this context and/or exploited through pornography
or other means, it becomes an addictive and destructive practice.
See our sex page for more info. |
| "Pornography
doesn't hurt anyone" |
Porn damages the
viewer. Proverbs 6:27 says: "Can a man scoop
fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?" The implied answer is "No."
Lusting after people with our eyes and thoughts is
equivalent to committing the sin with them (Matthew 5:28). Porn
trains us to practice lust and live in a fantasy world of evil
thoughts. As a result, we burn with insatiable lust that drives us
to seek gratification. The memories resulting from our porn
activities can last a lifetime and damage our ability to enjoy sex in our
marriage. Pornography also can lead us down the destructive
path of perversion. Pedophilia, homosexuality, rape and abuse are just a
few of the many possible activities that porn promotes.
Porn damages the viewer's family. For example,
your children could be tormented by any evil spirits
that are tormenting you, or they may simply get hooked on porn when they stumble across
your porn stash of computer files or magazines. Your spouse could be devastated if
he/she discovers you've been committing "mental adultery" through porn.
He/she may have difficulty ever trusting you again when they discover your secret
life. It could take years for you to re-learn how to love your spouse and
eliminate the stranglehold lust has on you. You may have to relearn how to have sex
in a loving way, since you have become tuned for lust through porn.
See How porn
works and Why Porn is bad for more info.
|
| "Getting married will stop my
pornography addiction" |
Marriage can make porn addiction
worse, and porn addiction ruins a marriage's sex life! There are several
reasons for this, but one of the key reasons is that porn addicts have sexually tuned
themselves to respond to lust by porn pictures and masturbation. Married sex,
by
design, is to be built on love. Lust and love are total opposites!
See our pages on lust and lust vs. love.
The porn addict should break his addiction before getting married. |
| "Lust is the same as love" |
Lust is the exact
opposite of love. See our pages lust vs. love
and lust for explanations. |
| "There is
nothing wrong with lust" |
Lust is sin (Matthew
5:28). Lust is very harmful and is often the
starting point for many other kinds of evil. 1
John 2:15-17 tells us that lust will actually prevent God's love from being in
us! If we lack God's love, we are vulnerable to
being filled with every other form of evil. Romans
1:20-32 gives us an example of what happened when Roman Christians followed lust.
They were filled with every form of evil (29-30).
See our page on lust
for more info. |
| "Masturbation is harmless and
healthy" |
Masturbation is addictive and gives
lust a foothold to control our minds. It also destroys our marriage sex
life by sexually tuning us to ourselves. Masturbation teaches us nothing about
loving our spouse and giving to him/her during sex. It's all about satisfying our own
selfish desires. (see masturbation page) |
| "God is unfair
and unloving to restrict sex to marriage." |
God is holy, which means perfect in
goodness and righteousness. God also loves us very much. He proved
his love
for us by sacrificing Jesus for our sins (see God's
Love). God restricted sex to marriage to protect us
from the many sorrows that come with sexual sin. Sex sin brings spiritual
confusion, perversion, bondage, addiction, destruction of families and a host of other
possible side effects (see sex sin consequences). Sex is so powerful that it can only be safely contained in a
loving marriage where there is lifelong commitment, trust and intimacy. Once we
extract sex from that context, it becomes unstable and easily converts to a lustful
endeavor. |
| "Lots of sex
brings satisfaction and fulfillment" |
Lasting fulfillment comes
from knowing God. When we follow God, He satisfies us with good things that bring
lasting fulfillment (see Psalm
103:2-5, Psalm 107:9, Psalm 145:16, Psalm
36:7-9, John
4:14). Indulging in sexual sin yields lust which is a continual desire for more.
Lust is a total lack of fulfillment (see lust). |
| "Pre-marital sex
is OK as long as you're planning to marry the person"
or
"Sex is Ok as long as you are committed
to one another in a monogamous relationship." |
Whether you
are
engaged to be married or are thinking that you will eventually get
married, the fact is that you are not yet married. The Bible is
clear about sex outside of marriage being sin (1 Corinthians
6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19; Hebrews 13:4; Colossians 3:5,
Deuteronomy 22:13-28).
The consequences of pre-marital sex will include damaged intimacy in your
future marriage. |
| "God doesn't
care about what I do with my body" |
God is deeply
concerned with what we do with our bodies, because our bodies are
literally temples for his Spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 describes
this special function of our bodies and how we are called to honor God by
not defiling our bodies with sexual sin in particular. Sexual sin
unites us spiritually with whatever we're having sex with (physically or
mentally). Since God's Spirit lives in us as Christians, we dishonor
our bodies and defile God's temple through our sexual sin. Keeping
our bodies from sexual sin is a spiritual act of worship (Romans 12:1-2). |
| "My addiction
disqualifies me from Christian ministry" |
All people have
sinned and have fallen short of God's holy standard (Romans 3:23).
Every minister of the Gospel has sinned at one point or another. Sex
addiction does not disqualify you from being in ministry. Granted,
if your ministry is causing you to fall to temptation, you should step
back for a time until you have broken the bondage with God's help.
Your victory over it will likely open up doors for you to help other
people looking for the path to freedom. |
| "I've committed
the unforgivable sin" |
See our Unforgivable
Sin page |
| "Your body is not
good enough to be sexually successful" |
This lie is
championed by vendors of penis enlargement products, breast implants and sex
drugs. While there may be legitimate needs for some of these products, too
often people feel sexually inferior because they don't have the "perfect"
physical setup as seen on TV or elsewhere. The
enemy's goal is to get us to doubt that God created us with the capacity
and the ability to naturally enjoy sexual union with our spouse. The
enemy wants us to sabotage our enjoyment of sex by inspiring fear of failure
and/or rejection from the opposite sex. This kind of performance
orientation is of course promoted by pornography's typical themes like "size
matters," and other nonsense. When considering sex, we can trust God
that he has given us all we need to enjoy sex with our spouse. We also
can ask him to help us overcome any fears we may have about sex, such that
we can enjoy the full experience of sex (spiritually, emotionally and
physically). |
Home
Lies
about being single
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