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Why some people don't
get free of sexual addictions
Not everyone who sets out to break sex addiction
succeeds in getting free. In fact, we hear from people everyday who have
"tried everything" to get free and haven't succeeded. In response to their
requests for help, I've developed online studies
such as Freedom Journey I to address the various areas that are key to
removing the strongholds of sexual addiction.
I've written this page with the assumption that a
person has placed their trust in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
I can not offer any assurance of freedom to those who are not following Jesus,
because the very nature of sex addiction is spiritual (see
non-Christian help). Followers
of Jesus have authority over every power of darkness and are therefore equipped
to break free. Even so, they will still need to apply that authority,
exercise self-restraint, rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and continue to
diligently seek the Lord in order to achieve and maintain freedom.
With that in mind, here are some of the typical
areas that
hinder people from achieving complete freedom from sexual addiction:
- Unconfessed sin: Any sin
that we have not confessed to God and repented from
could serve as a foothold for the enemy to continue to oppress us. Some strategic footholds
include occult sin, unforgiveness, pride, lust, idolatry, family sin, pride and
murder. (see Deal with Sin)
- Oppression from evil spirits: Sex
sin is a common door evil spirits (demons) can use to gain influence over us.
Demons can block every step of our recovery
efforts - even our confession and repentance from sin. It is
possible for people to exercise their authority in Christ and dispel the evil
spirits that are troubling them, but it may require help from other believers
who will pray and stand in faith with the person ("Deliverance" ministry). We know from
the Bible and personal experience, however, that evil spirits resist being cast out.
Even the disciples had difficulty in casting some types of evil spirits out
(Mark 9:18,28-29). See our
study
on deliverance for more info.
- Failure to develop a relationship with God:
This is usually reflected in the lack of a daily meeting time with God.
The "quiet time" helps us to reload our mind with God's words from the Bible, to talk with
God through prayer and to worship him (see
Meet with
God). As we walk out of addiction, we should shift our attention,
resources and energies to pursuing God and doing his work. If we don't
do this, the vacuum left by our addiction will certainly refill with trivial
pursuits or a worse addiction. The typical excuse used is being too
busy. If we can't make time with God a priority, our efforts toward
freedom will be powerless.
- Lack of faith: Faith is a common
ingredient in many of the healings that occurred in the scriptures. If we don't
believe that we can be a new person in Christ with God's help, we won't. Unfortunately, some
theologies can weaken our faith by suggesting that God doesn't heal and/or
that God wants to
punish us by sending evil on us. Jesus put it quite clearly,
"If you can believe, all things are possible to him who
believes" (Mark 9:24
NKJV).
- Failure to
die to sin and/or
crucify the flesh: These must be done
daily in our walk with God and typically involve exercising control over our
eyes and
thoughts. Unfortunately, many
people never learn how to practice and develop these skills, which are
essential for survival in our pornographic culture. If we have been
freed, yet fall back into our old habits, our condition will be worse than if
we'd never been free (2
Peter 2:20-22).
- Emotional and spiritual wounds from past abuse/trauma:
The devil hates people regardless of age, but he especially loves to
prey on children because the early years are strategic times for emotional and
spiritual development. Sex abuse, physical abuse,
divorce, accidents and traumatic entertainment (bad movies) can all be sources of wounds
that we need healing from. If these wounds have never been dealt with in prayer,
they are potentially serving as footholds for demonic oppression like sex addiction.
When we invite God to cleanse and heal those past wounds, the footholds for
oppression are removed. Healing prayer and Christian counseling are effective
ways to work through these wounds (see
cut free and
pray for healing).
- Curses: Curses can act like demonic
oppression in that they can block our healing and development of a relationship with God.
All curses can be broken in the name of Jesus Christ, but often they must be
identified by name and specifically broken by the blood of Christ (Galatians
3:10-14). Family sin is a common source of curses, but there are many additional
possible sources, including:
- Possession of occult
objects/books,
- Participation in non-Christian religious
ceremonies/rituals/celebrations
- Visitation of pagan shrines/temples/altars
- Involvement in witchcraft, sorcery, divination and other
occult activities
- People sending curses intending to harm or
control (e.g. Voodoo, witchcraft)
- Words spoken over us (example: a father says
"you'll never be good at anything" to his child)
- Sin: Certain sins mentioned in the Bible are linked to
curses: occult, sexual immorality, family disobedience, church disobedience, giving (lack
of) and others.
**Spiritual Warfare
Ministries has an excellent section explaining curses
and how to remove them.
- Failure to fight the battle with spiritual weapons:
The process of dismantling sex
addiction strongholds is nothing short of spiritual warfare. People who
rely on the Lord for the strength, authority and discernment to fight the
battles will be successful. People who try to fight in their own
strength and rely solely on help aids like accountability groups and
filters will probably not succeed. Self-denial and help aids
are good, but they are not to be our power source for freedom.
- Failure to internalize God's word: I
believe this may be the biggest reason people fail to get free.
In the parable of the sower (Luke
8:4-15), Jesus explained the importance of properly hearing and applying
God's word. He identified three ways the word can be hindered from
taking root in our hearts:
- The devil takes away the word from the heart,
so that the person will not believe (12)
- The person lacks "firm roots" - initially they
hear and receive the word with joy, but fall away in times of temptation
(13)
- The person goes their way after hearing the
word and it is choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures. As a
result, the word bears no fruit to maturity in them.
Jesus explained that the people who would be
fruitful in God's kingdom are those who hear the word with an honest and good
heart, hold fast to it and bear fruit with perseverance (15). This is
the heart condition we must have to achieve and maintain freedom from sexual
addictions. The word is the foundation of truth that we need to dispel
the lies packaged in the temptations we
face.
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