Oral Sex 

I’ve had several requests over the years to post a page addressing oral sex from a Christian perspective.   I’ve written this page primarily for people who love God and desire to live within his guidelines as set forth in the Bible.   I encourage the reader to take a moment to ask God to reveal the truth about oral sex as it applies to his or her life. 

God created sex as a beautiful, pleasurable expression of love to be enjoyed within the bond of marriage between a man and a woman (Hebrews 13:4).   The potential pleasure of sex as God designed it reflects his amazing love for humanity.  Satan has done his best to exploit sex and pervert it into something God never intended.   For many, sex has become an addictive compulsion that has been fueled by lust-based entertainment such as pornography.   

Oral sex is often promoted in pornography.  This doesn’t make oral sex wrong, but it does give us cause for caution because it can be used to feed lust.  The challenge for us is to determine if oral sex is something that is compatible with godly living and if it is something that will be beneficial to our marriages. 

Is it sex?   Oral sex has been portrayed in our culture as a “safe sex” alternative, and some people have reckoned it as a way to retain their virginity before marriage.  But is oral sex different from sex?  I believe that oral sex is sex for a number of reasons, which include:

Assuming that oral sex is sex, we can apply the Bible’s sexual guidelines to it.  This basically means that it should only be practiced within a heterosexual marriage and that it should be characterized by love.    

Determining if love is the real motive behind our sexual actions or desires can be tricky.  Why is this so?  First of all, the difference between lust-based and love-based sexual desire can often be very fine.  This is something that we may need God’s help in discerning.  People who have fed lust through a sexual addiction may be equating sexual lust with love, having lost sensitivity to what true love is.  If that is the case, they will need God’s healing of that sensitivity.   Secondly, our hearts can be deceptive, especially when we’re considering something that potentially could bring us much pleasure.   

To assist us in evaluating the intents of our hearts regarding oral sex, here are some questions we can ask ourselves: 

1.      Is it mutually enjoyable for both partners?

2.      Is it voluntary (as opposed to coerced)?

3.      Has it become the focus of the sexual experience and/or is it required for the sexual experience to be fulfilling?

4.      Is it being inspired by something viewed in porn or idolized in a previous relationship?

5.      Do you or your spouse feel that it is wrong?

6.      Have you prayed with your spouse about whether this should be part of your relationship? 

As you consider the answers to those questions for your relationship, here are some potential warning signs that may suggest oral sex should not be practiced: 

Some other things to consider…. 

Concluding comments

As followers of God, everything we do should glorify God.  This most definitely is reflected in how we treat our spouse sexually.  I pray that each of you will be sensitive to God and follow his leading on the topic of oral sex.   

Additional resource:  Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner's page on oral sex

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